Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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