Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
