I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
