Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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