Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
