i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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