airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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