wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
