Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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