I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
