one two three fourrrrnication!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
