Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
