Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
