Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
