I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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