so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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