what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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