Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
