the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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