I hate your face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
