I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
