The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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