Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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