so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
