Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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