Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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