So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
