Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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