lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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