The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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