he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
