There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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