His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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