T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
