Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
