Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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