I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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