did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
