I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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