I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
