I heard we made out
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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