a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
