he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
