tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
