I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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