I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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