It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Houston, we have a blender
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
