If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
