i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
