He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
