Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
