I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
