sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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