I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
