The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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