how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
