it's like heaven, but drunker
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
