No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
