So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
