Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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