3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
