Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cannot find my penis.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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