You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
