Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
third nipple confirmed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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