i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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