Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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