Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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