I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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