Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
