There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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