I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
