Dual....:-)
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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