he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
