He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
