watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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